just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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