if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
