Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
