hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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