Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
