I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize