i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
