There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
