If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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