I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
