youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
