Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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