yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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