am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
