last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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