Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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