she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
