She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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