pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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