ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
