Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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