We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
