Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
