FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
