i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
