do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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