I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
