I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
