You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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