We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
