My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
