She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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