How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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