So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
