Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
