so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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