Redeem this text for a blowjob
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
