How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
