the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
