when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just cut my nipple shaving
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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