HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
