he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
