I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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