Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
