The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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