Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
