Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
