we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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