dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
