mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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