like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I skipped work to stalk him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
