I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
