Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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