I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
