we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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