i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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