Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
