she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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