i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
