i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
