My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
