I queefed so loud it echoed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
