i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she smelled like a LAN party
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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