my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
