Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im on a boat
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