she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
