The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
