CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
