I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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