When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
