i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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