I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
