Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it glows. i had to have it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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