drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
